RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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