You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize