I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
