Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
