I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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