Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
