This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
