I'm going to jail i love you
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Your cock deserves a montage
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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