Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
