You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
