just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
