so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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