Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
