I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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