There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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