Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
