I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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