You smell like a Billy Joel song
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize