Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
