I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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