as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
