its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
