I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
