I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
