We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
