the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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