The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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