i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
