Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
