Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
