I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize