I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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