I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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