seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
