This girl is more easily done than said...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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