I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
