alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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