i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
