I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
