I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So many bounce houses so little time
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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