Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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