I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
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