hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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