How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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