We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
my poor anus
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
