He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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