Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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