grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
