he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
