This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
