How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She's like a pop up book from hell.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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