There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
