So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just threw up on my dentist
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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