Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
