dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
