anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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