Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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