Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
