you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
