Sponge bath it is.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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