She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
