It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
