I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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