How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
