I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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